i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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