i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Come share oat with me in your robe
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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