Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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