I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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