this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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