I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
