Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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