Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we're making bets on your personal life
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
