I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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