Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
