So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
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apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
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let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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