I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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