those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
