4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
