all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
