So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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