if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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