I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
God, you're like boner-b-gone
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
