my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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