DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
