ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
