Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
