I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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