Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
