Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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