someone get that fucking seahorse.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
