Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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