Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
