I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
