I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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