So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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