Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
