i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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