i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
