i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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