I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
