so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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