Sponge bath it is.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
