i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
