i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
