Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize