On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
apparently the secret to your success is patron
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
