You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
