I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
