I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
