I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
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Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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