You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
