i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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