i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
