I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
