the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
