Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
