I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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