respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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