why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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