I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
