The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
no, he came in my armpit
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
