Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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