I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
