My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
