Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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