i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
