new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
