Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
