i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
