Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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