K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
