my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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