id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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