Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
