my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
