I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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